


All The Pain of Yesterday

by ozaissidechick



Series: Onward [1]
Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Cheating, F/M, Family Dynamics, Family Feels, Fire Nation Royal Family, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Major Illness, Organ Transplantation, Post Comics, Sokkla, Suicide Attempt, Terminal Illnesses, Urzai, Wedding Planning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-04
Updated: 2021-02-11
Packaged: 2021-03-15 08:54:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 17,644
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29186631
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ozaissidechick/pseuds/ozaissidechick
Summary: Her own body is killing her, and she is so far from home.ORAzula falls irreversibly ill and has to make it back home in order to die properly by Fire Nation standards. But home is miles away, and filled with people she doesn't remember.
Relationships: Aang/Katara (Avatar), Azula & Ursa (Avatar), Azula & Zuko (Avatar), Azula/Sokka (Avatar), Mai/Zuko (Avatar), Ozai/Ursa (Avatar), Sokka/Suki (Avatar)
Series: Onward [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2142819
Comments: 85
Kudos: 101





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TalesOfOnyxBats](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TalesOfOnyxBats/gifts), [willsimpforazula](https://archiveofourown.org/users/willsimpforazula/gifts).



> Find me on Tumblr @waywardavatarenthusiast

_Dunk. Wring. Fan. Repeat._ Azula, princess of the Fire Nation, should never have been washing clothes. Especially those that weren't her own. But on the commune, everyone pulled their own weight. Not that she would know. She'd only been there for four days. Four days, and her fingers were dried and pruned. 

"So, Azula," a mousy voice said. Ahma. She was the lady who'd directed Azula to the commune. And the one that snapped the princess out of her thoughts. "You never told us. How did you get here?" 

"Why does it matter?" Azula asked. Seriously, why did it? The commune was full of low-born citizens who worshiped a baby lizard. Well, maybe Azula liked the dragon too. It gave her comfort knowing she new where the last dragon in the Fire Nation was and no one in her dreaded but esteemed family did.

How did she get here? Well, she didn't let the Fire Warriors go back to free the ones that had been captured after they kidnapped the capital's children. They abandoned her after that. She didn't need them anyway. They were traitors to her and the Fire Nation. Like Mai and Ty Lee. Like Zuko. What was she thinking? Trying to be Zuko's advisor. Well, maybe she could be. But she certainly couldn't have lived with him any longer. Not with her soulless mother and her ugly husband and their daughter that who couldn't match a shadow of Azula's brilliance.

"Never mind," Ahma said. "Your story is your own to tell." Azula nodded, laying out the clothes to dry.

"You're right," Azula said. After a while Ahma spoke again.

"Wherever your home is," she said nervously. "Will you ever go back?" The princess stood straight as her amber eyes bore through the commune member.

"I have a house," Azula said, "not a home. And I will never go back to it."


	2. Month One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> To be safe, Azula must be away from those who hurt her.

Dragons have fascinated Azula since before she could walk. When she first arrives, the people of the commune ready their weapons at her. She cannot join them. No way would any dragon ever trust a human with such an arrogant and entitled attitude. But when the princess draws her brilliant blue flame, it's clear she's no ordinary human. To them, she is other-worldly, the primordial dragon goddess. See, fire turns blue for a reason. Blue fire heals. Blue fire contorts into beautiful shapes and carries all the grace there is in fire. Blue fire is perfect. Like Azula. She rolls her eyes at the whole thing. There were people who bent different kinds of fire long ago, before the war. Now they are simply rare. Just like Azula's existence is rare, being the Royal Family's first daughter in over three generations. Maybe she is a primordial goddess after all.

No, goddesses don't get horrible fevers three times in two months. Goddesses don't crash at ugly, weird communes for five months. She's asked to see a real doctor several times. She feels naked without her bending and nothing helps her get it back until the fever goes away. But they say no one will heal her like the dragon.

The dragon won't do shit for her. She used her own fire for it to finally come out of its shell, and the purple scaly thing is still an infant. 

"Open your mouth," the healer says. She scoffs.

"I'm not eating that." The healer isn't even a real healer. Just an herbalist. 

"Eat it or you'll never get better," he says.

"I'll never get better with you shoving that putrid mess down my throat," she says, attempting to sit up. "It's just gonna keep coming back. I need to see a real doctor, and I'm not asking anymore. You guys should be thankful I haven't ran off with your sacred pet."

And so they let her. Not steal the dragon go to the doctor. Ahma accompanied her and they strolled onward into civilization. 

Now, Azula was sitting quietly in a wobbly chair in a quaint but neat infirmary.

"I see you've been having constant fatigue, nausea, and shortness of breath with the occasional fever," the doctor said. She nodded.

"And what does that mean?"

The doctor scratched his neck awkwardly and looked at the patient's scroll. "Well, I hate to be the one to tell you this, Azula, is that how you pronounce it? But you're suffering from kidney failure. At least I think so. If it doesn't go away, you'll most likely be dead within six to twelve months." There was a pregnant pause before she burst out laughing.

"Oh, you're hilarious, doctor," she said, smiling. "The greatest fire bender in the world, dying of her own body."  
  


"Azula," Ahma said softly. 

"What!" Her hollowed and pale skin flushed a light pink. 

Ahma told the people of the commune that their goddess was dying as soon as they got back.

"She's a liar!" Azula snarled, shoving the girl out the way. "If I'm really your goddess, surely you'd believe me over a hardly qualified man in a backwards town!"

"Azula, you've fallen ill several times since you got here."

"Who said that?!" she lashed out into the air, and everything went back.

For a fraction of a second, she thought she was back at the palace with all the people tending to her.

"Hey Azula," Ahma said. "If you're actually dying, _only if_ , do you want to see your family?"

"I'm _not_ dying, Ahma." The princess looked up to the sky, gritting her teeth. "And I have relatives, not a family."  
  


"Whatever you want to call them," Ahma said, avoiding eye contact, "the closer you are to home, the more blessings Agni will give you in the after-life." _No._ It was true. There were tales of heroes and brides and witches all who'd been ruined spirits because they died too far from home. It was so painful for the royal family when Lu Ten had passed all the way in Ba Sing Se.

"...I can't," she mutters quietly. "I can't go back there."

Three weeks later, Azula is drinking tea and still trying to convince herself she has all the time left in the world. That's when a wiry male with glasses tosses a paper to the side.

"Who gives a damn," he says, scoffing.

"About what?" Azula asks, stirring her tea.

"The Fire Lord, or the traitor on the throne to be more accurate, is getting married," he says. Azula swallows her tea while it is too hot and it scalds her throat.

This is her chance. She now has an excuse. She can go home for the wedding and avoid any and all questions. By the time they find answers, she'll be in the spirit world.

"Interesting," she says.


	3. Month Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I thought they killed you."
> 
> "In a way, they did."

"Do you have food, water, everything you need?" Ahma asks. The princess has only asked her to come along as she boards a ship ready to whisk her back to reality.

"Yes," Azula says, "now give me the dragon."

"I still can't believe a princess was right under my nose," Ahma says, handing over the reptile.

"Really?" Azula asks, raising an eyebrow.

"I guess it explains the attitude," Ahma says shrugging. "Promise me you'll take care of her."

"I've never hurt her before, Ahma," Azula says, rolling her eyes.

"No, but your family doesn't have a good history with dragons."

"Well, this is it then," Azula says, looking at the water ahead. "The next time you see me I'll be dead. So you won't see me." Ahma embraces her too quickly for Azula to dodge it. She's glad.

"Answer the question, lady!" the captain yells, looking at the princess below. "Where to?"

"Don't address me like that if you want to be paid," Azula says, glaring. She finally enters the ship. "Caldera City, or as I call it, home."

* * *

"Ozai, you have a visitor," the guard says.

"I have no plans to see anyone," he says, grumbling.

"You're a prisoner," a feminine and commanding voice pierces through the room. "You don't get to make plans." It can't be her, but it is. Ozai's daughter looks every bit like his wife as she squats in front of his cell, resting her forearms on her knees. 

"I thought they killed you," he says. Has he gone crazy again? He's done that a couple times. He saw his grandfather on his airship just before he fought the avatar.

"In a way, they did," she says. He finally notices the large bag on her back that is moving.

"What's in there?" he asks.

"Something powerful," she says nonchalantly. "Now, back to death, I have important news to tell you. You don't deserve to know, but you _won't_ tell anyone else."

"And what is this news?" he says, leaning forward.

"I have an illness," she says, steadying her breathing, "and it will kill me within six to twelve months." He pauses. Ozai knows he doesn't love Azula, he's only ever loved one person. But she's been part of his life for seventeen years. That means something. 

"Oh," he says, not quite sure what to say. "Why are you telling me this?"

"Because when I die, and no one knows why, you can tell them," she says. "In the meantime, keep your mouth shut." As she leaves, Ozai watches a hole burn through her bag, and a purple snout is visible.

* * *

As a child, Zuko never had any friends. He was shy and angry and he didn't go to an actual school, so he didn't have any friends. Now, he has so many friends that they fill the palace living room with lively chatter and hilarious banter. Although, he would drop all of them for his fiancee. Mai is the best thing in his life. She holds his hand and rests her head on his shoulder as he chatters away with Aang, and he wouldn't have it any other way.

Sokka's relationship is less successful. He'd been dating Suki almost as long as Zuko had been dating Mai, but she broke up with him just two weeks ago. 

"Zuko and Mai have broken up a bunch of times and they're ready to make that commitment to each other," she'd said. "We've been far more consistent and you don't even bring up the thought of marriage, Sokka. I want more. And if you won't give that to me, we shouldn't be together." He'd begged her to stay. He wanted to propose of course, soon. He was sure once he asked his dad if he was ready to marry he would say yes, especially to Suki. But something in him didn't want to do that just yet. So, he let her go. It still hurt like hell.

Now, Suki and Katara conversed with eachother. She seemed to be doing okay. He wasn't. No, Sokka wallowed in the corner while the rest of his friends had the time of their lives in the Royal Palace. He is closest to the door when he hears a loud knock. The room quiets down, and he goes to get it. The girl in front of him is beautiful. Slender, petite, and Azula. She shoves past him and into her home. Except she doesn't expect all her foes to be gathered in the same room. As reflex, Team Avatar readies their attacks. The Fire Lord's mouth becomes a straight line.

"Azula," he says, "why are you here?"

"Well," she says, taking off her bag and hugging it to her chest. "I am here because my favorite couple is getting married. I brought gifts." _That I picked up at the shops just outside the palace._

"Are they made of poison?" Sokka asks.

"I didn't make them, peasant," she says, glaring at the water tribesman. She sets down a dagger of molten gold, and a book. 

"Actually, I made the book," she says, smiling to herself. "It tells you exactly how to summon lightning and all the fun things you can do it. Though I'm assuming uncle already tried to teach you. It's really easy, you just need the spark-"

"Azula," Zuko says, holding out his hand to stop her. "What else is in the bag?"

"That is not a gift," Azula says, hugging the bag even closer. "I got one item for each of you."

"I can feel the vibrations," Toph says. "It's moving, and that thing is _not_ human."

"Cretin," Azula hisses. She props herself onto the high table so her feet dangle. "What do you feel now? Nothing? I thought as much."

"Huh," Sokka says, "I never thought of it like that." Zuko stands up slowly and carefully reaches over his sister's shoulder.

"Get away from me," she says, not moving an inch. The gaang looks at eachother before gathering around Azula at the same time, trying to grab a hold of her bag. They all back away quickly when she opens her mouth and releases a huge blue flame. Luckily, Suki manages to chi block her in time before getting a nasty burn. Azula blows hair out of her face and snarls as Zuko pries the bag out of her hands. He holds it out and to the light, and it's too late for him to for him to do anything before the dragon snout rips through the bag and bites him sharply on the neck.

"What the-" he exclaims, dropping the creature, which joins Azula on the table. It shrieks at the Fire Lord, letting out a brilliant dragon flame which Zuko controlls. 

"Her first flame!" Azula exclaims, hugging the dragon. "You should work on your chi blocking. Now, I can name her."

"Azula," Zuko said, pacing the room. "Why are you really back here? More importantly, how and why do you have a baby dragon in your possesion. One that seems to _like_ you."

"Simple, Zuzu," Azula says. "My little troupe left me for dead after you didn't let me be your advisor. I found this woman, she was part of a cult. She took me back to the cult. The cult thinks I'm a deity of some sort because the dragon egg hatches when I arrive and because I have blue fire. I stay there for five months. I come home."

"I don't believer that for a second, but we'll move on," Zuko says. "How did you end up back here?"

"Well," Azula says, "I heard about your engagement, Zuko. Is that so hard to believe? If you don't want me at the wedding that's fine. But this is my house and you can't make me go anywhere." _Please don't make me go anywhere._

"And what if I don't want you here, Azula?" Zuko asks. "I wish you'd cared half as much about my banishment as you do about my wedding?"

"What's that supposed to mean?" Azula asks, sitting up on the table. 

[song to play during this scene](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=osdoLjUNFnA)

"It means," Zuko says, sighing in frustration, "that I remember you smiling that day with everybody else as if there was anything to smile about. It means that I remember you having all of uncle and I's stuff packed in the hallways. In under twenty minutes. And now you want to be a part of my wedding."

"You're dead wrong, Zuko," Azula says, in her most collected voice.

"It sucks, doesn't it," he says, balling his fists. "Begging to be let into your own family. You're not the sister I used to have anyway, why should I let this stranger who's a shadow of the girl I used to know be a part of my wedding?" You could hear a heartbeat in the room. Sokka and Katara eye each other frantically, they can't imagine ever ending up like this. She will _not_ cry. She is dying, and she has no friends and she's been strong through everything all her life so she will _not_ let her weak older brother make her cry. Finally, her voice is like a drop in the ocean, disappearing as soon as it arrives.

_"I'm the shadow?"_ she asks. "Our father is in prison and our mother erased us from her memory so she could start a new family and you haven't felt like home since I was eleven but I'm the shadow. Is it because there's two of me now? I'm willing to bet my understudy is upstairs sleeping in my own bed after a long day of being the daughter and sister you and mother always wanted."

"It's not like that and you know it," is all he says.

"It's not?" Azula asks. "That's why she ran around headquarters talking about how 'Zuzu would come save her' and how everyone had better be careful because her big brother is the Fire Lord and I could've wiped the smirk right off her face and said 'he was mine first' but it would've been useless because that doesn't mean the same thing for me as it does for her and you would never get your knuckles bloody for me." He doesn't even try to deny it.

"It's easier with her," he says. "She's only ever been my sister. All my life you've been my sister and my enemy." She can't believe her ears.

"Tell me, Zuzu, she says, shaking, "was I your sister or your enemy when I told you of Father and Grandfather's plans to kill you in your sleep?"

"You taunted me."

"And if I didn't you'd be dead. Again, was I your sister or your enemy when I risked my own birthright just to bring you supplies for that Agni forsaken eye of yours. If I did't pack your bags nobody else would and you and uncle would be on your own with nothing. I risked not only my birthright but my life for you when Father specifically ordered me to bring you home as a prisoner dead or alive and I brought you back as a hero."

"Azula," he said reaching for her hand.

"No!" she exclaimed, jerking it away. "I put my life on the line just so you could get what you'd wanted for _three years_ and not only do you suddenly decide you don't want it anymore, you go to Ozai and start telling him what a monster he is only to leave me with him. And you told him I lied! I figured you were just stupid and not cruel but now I think it might be the latter. If you weren't cruel you wouldn't come back to the Fire Nation and fight me for a crown I ALREADY GAVE YOU! I guess my gifts are only valuable if I suffer to give them to you. Maybe you are cruel. That's the only reason you'd lock your own sister up with insane people and bound me in a strait-jacket. You were trying to make me weak. But I could never be weak. Not like you."

She is heaving now and has so much more to say but she is also tired. All energy she has left leaves her body once her mother enters the room holding a tea set.

"Alright," Ursa says, "I have the tea- Azula?" The younger princess faints right there.


	4. Month Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Azula goes to extreme lengths to hide her illness.

She's been home for a month now, and although no one in the palace is used to Azula, they are used to being scared of her. After being tended to in the infirmary on the night she arrived, Azula came to a conclusion with her brother. She'll be gone before the Fire Lord returns from his honeymoon. Zuko doesn't know how to feel about his sister returning to the sketchy cult, and he hasn't trusted her dragon since it bit him.

They don't feel safe with her around, her brother's friends. It's a great thing Azula doesn't care. She interrupts them whenever and wherever. Her family? Well, it's easier to act like they don't exist. There's no longer a point in Azula avoiding mirrors, at least. Her reflection walks past her everyday holding hands with a little girl who looks like a reflection of toddler Azula. Roku's genes are strong within the girls. 

On the topic of genes, Ikem won't stop staring at her. It's creepy, and Ursa notices. Azula tried to kill his wife and that should make him hate her. It does, but Azula looks just like Ursa when they were young. The girl he loved before the royal family whisked her away. Ikem missed so many years of that face. The years come right back to him each time Azula walks by him. Only when she gets angry, her eyes get a menacing look that goes back through her family's dynasty. Then he remembers she is the child of his worst enemy.

"Ursa," Ikem says one morning. The royal family and friends are eating breakfast. "We were looking for someone to play the dragon empress for the Caldera Troupe."

"So?" she asks. "We may not be able to do it this year, Ikem, not a single girl both looks and acts the part." He points across the table directly to Azula.

"She could do it. She already looks like the best actress who played this role." Ursa shifts uncomfortably. She knows when her daughter gets that gleam in her amber eyes and she knows Ikem is about to be humiliated. Except that he isn't.

"I could do it," she says, baring her sharpest teeth. "Just think of _all_ the possibilities. I've already been here for a month, I shouldn't waste so much time." Ursa and Zuko know Azula is planning something. Something so deliciously wrong. 

"That won't be necessary," Zuko says. "Azula can't be trusted enough to be out of the palace for long periods of the time." The princess turns an embarrassing shade of red.

"Sorry Ozai," she says, playing with her chopsticks. I didn't know you wear your hair up now and set curfews." She doesn't mention the scar today. Dying makes her feel nicer. Ikem gets a bad taste in his mouth at the mention of Ozai. The Fire Lord stands up.

"Don't bother, Zuko," his fiancee says. He still stands in front of his sister.

"Why do you _love_ to cause trouble?!" Zuko exclaims.

"Because it's fun and it passes time," Azula says, examining her nails. He scoffs.

"You're so backwards," he says.

"Backwards?!" she exclaims. The two get into a casual screaming match that would have embarrassed Sozin's whole line had they been in court. Suddenly Azula stops talking and puts a finger up.

"I'm not done talking!" Zuko exclaims. He wishes he closed his mouth when Azula vomits all over him. The whole room is shocked. Zuko is frightened. This is worse than the Agni Kai. Her breakfast...is in melted chunks... splattered all over his robes and hair.

"Oh," she says, wiping her mouth. "That's what that was."

"Agni what is wrong with you Azula?!" he exclaims. _I'm dying, Zuzu. What's so hard to understand?_ How is it her fault anyway? She warned him and he didn't shut up. Agni, she hates that question.

"I don't know," she says, crossing her arms and looking at the ground. She's embarrassed too, who throws up on the Fire Lord? "I'll get someone to clean this up. The mess on the floor, not you."

* * *

The rest of the month is full of Azula hiding that sort of thing. Throwing up, being too weak to train, dizziness, all of it. You'd think someone would notice, maybe Ursa. Nah. She doesn't have that motherly instinct.


	5. Month Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Azula finally gets a grip on things.

Azula has known fear. She knew fear when she raised her voice at Ozai before he got onto the airship. She knew fear when she was tired during the Agni Kai and Zuko still had all the fire in the world. She has never felt this kind of fear. This sort of fear is almost unrecognizable. The kind of fear no one knows they have until it passes. It's not a jump scare or a sudden event. It's not even an emotion. It's a period of time in which you want everything to be alright but there's a good chance it won't be. 

This is the fear Azula is feeling. That forsaken doctor said she had between six to twelve months. She could still have seven months. But she could also have two months. Just a little more time. If she can just make it to her birthday. _I want to be an adult, even for a little while._

* * *

She thanks Agni. Today, Princess Azula is sixteen years old. She reached another year, despite her family and the world trying to bring her down. She is up hours before anyone else, and today she feels all the energy in the world. After a lovely bath and some meditation she looks herself in the mirror and tells herself how great she is. Time for breakfast.

The palace kitchen is magical on her birthday and it has been since birth. Each year they make her all the mochi she likes along with other treats. Of course they could make it for her if she forced them, but Ozai told them specifically to give the girl only the most nutritious diet. Once a year for five years, they disobeyed the Fire Lord just to see the smile on her face.

"Aika," she says, stopping right outside the kitchens. "I am up even earlier than usual so it's acceptable if you don't have anything-" The servant shoves a plate full of mochi and dango towards the girl and hands her a cup full of jasmine tea. 

"We know you, Your Highness," Aika says, smiling. "Happy birthday." If only all palace staff were as competent as Aika.

"I know you must've been mad," Azula says, looking down. Aika knows what Azula is talking about. _What am I supposed to do? Apologize?_

"You weren't well that day," Aika says. "Now go enjoy your meal."

* * *

Once everyone else wakes up and they can't find Azula, they search all over immediately. 

"Found her!" Kiyi exclaims giddily. She should hit the brat for interrupting her reading in the gardens. She does shove her when Kiyi picks up a piece of mochi and shoves it into her mouth. Ursa and Team Avatar show up seconds later. 

"Don't hit your sister," Ursa says, dragging Kiyi to her side. Then she glances at the plate. "Deserts in the morning? That can't be good for your figure." _Let's ask Ikem._ Instead, she rolls her eyes and keeps reading.

"So that's why the kitchen smelled like heaven this morning," Zuko says. Then his face goes blank. Azula knows and he knows that he forgot the girl's birthday. Ursa is turned and he opens his mouth Azula mouths, _"Don't let her know."_ And so he doesn't. Just like that her peaceful atmosphere is ruined. Kiyi won't stop grabbing at her plate with those sticky fingers and people are talking all around her so she stands up and purposefully pushes each of them as she enters the palace.

"What's up with her?" Sokka asks. 

"Believe me, we'll never know," Ursa says, who sits down by the turtleduck pond with Kiyi. Taking some feed in her hands she says, "When you're done with those meetings, you're free to join us Zuko." She hasn't been there for half of Azula's birthdays. Zuko is willing to bet it's a time thing. Except she was there with Kiyi and a birthday cake singing him happy birthday first thing in the morning.

"We should go inside," Zuko says finally.

"Azula's aura is just a little bit off today," Ty Lee says. "I mean, it's been really funky lately."

"Ooh, what does it mean?" Aang asks.

"Well, it's been brown since she got here," Ty Lee whispers. "That's for illness. But today it was also blue. For sadness."

"I'm sorry," Sokka says, rightfully, "but are we supposed to care about either of those things?"

"She wasn't worried about our auras when we were in prison, Ty Lee," Mai said. 

"Guys," Zuko said, running a hand across his face. "Today is Azula's birthday. She's just upset because our mother hasn't remembered."

"Hasn't remembered, or forgot?" Mai asked.

"What's that supposed to mean?" 

"It means your mom was never that attentive to Azula." So everyone noticed. Azula listens to their conversation on the way to the kitchens. Maybe the staff _is_ going to mess with her figure. No, she's just going for anything to calm her stomach. She will _not_ be sick on her birthday.

"Back for more?" Aika asks.

"No," Azula says, "I need something for my stomach."

"Coming right up," Aika says. She begins to make an intense ginseng tea. "So how many more birthday wishes have you received?" Azula is embarrassed to answer.

"Aside from the staff, none," she says. "Zuko remembered though after he smelled the mochi."

"I'm so sorry Your Highness!" Aika exclaims.

"I don't need your pity, Aika. I am an exceptionally strong individual who couldn't care less if her weak and whiny mother remembers which day she gave birth. Nothing and no one is reliable in this place anyway."

"Except for seeds."

"What?"

"Seeds," Aika says bringing the princess her tea. "When things aren't going my way, I plant seeds. Take care of them every day, and they'll never let you down. WIth the exception of storms, animals, droughts-"

"I get it," Azula says. "Where can I find these magical seeds?"

* * *

Zuko finally finishes his meeting some four hours later. Ursa is still out by the turtleduck pond, though Kiyi is long gone.

"Mother," he says, taking a seat next to Ursa.

"How was the meeting dear?" she asks, adjusting his robes.

"Fine," he says. "How is Azula?"

"Still difficult," she says, turning back to the turtle ducks. "She won't talk to me and I have something to say to her."

"Really?" he asks, smiling. "I can get her to speak to you. Just tell me the message.

"Okay," Ursa says, looking her son in the eye. "I want Azula to teach Kiyi how to firebend." His head hurts.

"What?"

"I know, I know, you said you'd do it and I trust that you can but Azula is so good and you're so busy-"

"Excuse me mother," Zuko says, standing up. "I think Mai is calling me."

* * *

Sokka already learned the art of swordsmanship from Master Piandao. But Team Avatar isn't leaving the Fire Nation until after Mai and Zuko's wedding, so he thought he'd return to his old master. This time to learn something less ah, dramatic.

"You want to learn how to draw?" Piandao asked. "It's a basic skill."

"I know how to draw," Sokka said. His friends would disagree. "I just want to be really good at it, like you."

It's been two months since then, and Sokka can say he's pretty good at drawing realistic portraits. Prodigious, some might say. Now Piandao is in the palace, giving Sokka his next assignment. 

"You draw yourself a ton," Piandao says, flipping through Sokka's work. "I have an assignment for you."

"Draw someone else?" Sokka guesses.

"Something like that," Piandao says. "I'm going to pick a muse for you. Preferably a female." Suki comes to mind, but he's not about to sit awkwardly in front of his ex and draw her face. As they're leaving Sokka's room, an azure light shines brightly down the hall. They look at each other and follow it. 

There was nothing normal about the scene. A teenage girl looking sickly in robes holding a machete overhead with thin arms and mochi balls all over her bed and blue lit candles all over her room. The dragon in her lap almost went unnoticed.

"Azula?" _SHLING._ A wilted fire lily flies in the air. Her eyes jerk to the door and she slowly sets the machete on the bed.

"May we enter, Your Highness?" Piandao asks. With a jerk of her arm, the flames turn into a warm orange. 

"You may," she says. The dragon is unscathed. No, the princess was butchering...plants?

"You know," Sokka says, pointing to the mess of green on the floor. "There are less violent ways to do gardening."

She glares at him. "I was dissecting the fire lilies for research purposes, savage. I understand that barbarians at the South Pole murder for fun."

"That's hilarious coming from someone who's great-grandfather wiped out an entire nation. Where's your father again?" 

"In prison," Azula says, standing up. "Where's your mo-"

"Sokka, I've come to a decision," Piandao says. "Azula will be your muse." Both the teens stare bewildered. 

"I will not," Azula says finally. 

"Why would you even suggest that?" Sokka asks.

"Because I was watching the princess and I think she has a face worth putting on paper." Azula turns her nose to the air.

"Of course I do, I'm generations of perfect breeding," she says. Sokka laughs.

"Well," he says, "you're certainly... a person. I'm willing to bet you're a girl but you can never-" The princess gave him a sharp blow to the nose.

"How am I supposed to work with her?!" Sokka asks, cupping his bloody nose. 

"You won't get the chance!" Azula exclaims.

* * *

When Zuko enters his sister's room it's a mess and he's not sure he's in the right place. But Azula is brushing her hair in the mirror so he'll have to believe his eyes.

"What the hell happened here?" he asks.

"I tried gardening," Azula says. "Your ice muncher friend came in with Master Piandao and I punched him in the nose." He glances at the bandages wrapped around her left hand. 

"I see," he says awkwardly. "Why did you punch Sokka."

"Piandao wanted him to make some portraits of me. He asked me to be the savage's muse," she says, setting the brush down. 

"And so you punched him in the nose? Azula-"

"And then he called me ugly," she says, staring in the mirror. Zuko had always thought of Azula as the proudest in the room. Now she sat huddled in her messy bedroom over something a boy had said.

"You aren't ugly, Azula," Zuko says, sitting next to his sister. "Why does his opinion matter anyway? You call him some variation of a snow peasant each time you see him."

"I am ugly," she says. "On the inside. I always have been. But it's the outside that matters. Look pretty enough, and no one will see the monster inside. The bigger the monster, the prettier you have to be. Guess I wasn't pretty en-" Azula slides and scrambles to her feat as she opens a window, then throws up all the mochi there is. Zuko holds her long hair back, observing everything about it so he doesn't have to think of the sound or smell of Azula retching. She stops eventually.

"Are you done?" he asks. She nods.

"I didn't want to throw up on my birthday," she whines. 

"You're not a monster, Azula," he says. "You're smart, and powerful, and rare, and even if we've hurt each other, even if you can be cruel, I need you to know you're nothing like a monster at all. Real monsters don't think they're monsters. They don't think they do anything wrong."

"Like Father?" she asks. He hesitates before nodding.

"Now," he says. "I came here because it's late and I don't want your birthday to go to waste, but you just vomited out the window so I think we'll stay home."

"No!" she exclaims, grabbing fistfuls of his robes. "I'll clean my room and get ready and we can go somewhere, anywhere, even just for a little while." It's not good for her health, but she hasn't looked at him like this since the days when they were younger and she wanted to follow him everywhere.

"I'll give you an hour," he says before leaving her room.

* * *

Ursa has felt awkward today. The staff has been giving her dirty looks and even Zuko seems weary of her. 

"Why do you think they're upset, Kiyi?" Ursa asks, nuzzling her face into her youngest child's hair. The little girl shrugs. That reminds her.

After weaving through the halls she knocks on Azula's door. No answer. After some time she gently opens the door. Azula's room is perfectly neat like she remembers. What she doesn't remember is the girl in it. This girl is slender and beautiful. Long dark hair flows down her back ad the top is tied into a top knot, She applies ruby lipstick in her vanity mirror and wears silk robes. Ursa remembers that dress. It's hers. But then they catch eyes in the mirror and she knows this woman is her daughter.

"Good evening, Mother," Azula says. Her voice is exactly as Ursa imagined it would sound at this age. She stands up and bows. Then she is slipping rings on her hand she had to have taken from Ursa.

"Good evening, Azula, did you go to my room?" she asks.

"That's not important."

"I have a question, Azula," Ursa says.

"I'd like to hear it."

"Your bending is amazing...I've never seen anything like it. And I was wondering, if you would be willing to teach your little sister." Azula stops with the rings. Then she heads for the door.

"Sorry, Ursa," she says, venom oozing through her voice. She roughly shoves past her mother. "I can't be bothered. Why do want her to be trained by the best anyway. Last time I checked, only failure can draw your attention." Ursa doesn't know what to say so she ignores her daughter's reply.

Then Zuko is coming down the hall with some of the imperial guard. 

"Are you ready?" he asks. Azula nods.

"You two are going out?" Ursa asks.

"Of course," Azula says, "we're going to see _Love Amongst the Dragons_ , your favorite play. It's quite mediocre if you ask me, but we made plans late and I'm willing to do anything as long as I can get out of house for my birthday."

"Azula why are you like this?" Ursa asks, crossing her arms.

"Like what, mother dearest?" 

"You come home and the first thing you attempt to do is antagonize me and make me look bad. You don't get along well with anyone else, and you are so jealous of your younger sister!" Azula's heart freezes over. _Jealous? Antagonize?_ Zuko doesn't want to be around for this.

"Mom," he says, shaking his head. Mai and Ty Lee and Sokka and Katara have all left their respective area at this point and followed the noise to this scene.

"No, _mother_ ," Azula says. She is everything Ursa but she can sound just like her father. "The first thing I attempt to do when I come home is stand, but I faint at the sight of your wretched face. Nobody made you forget my birthday. Just like nobody made you purposefully forget your children and run off with your lover and a new identity. I could never be jealous of a child who's not even half nobility. You already tainted our bloodline once. Truth hurts doesn't it? It hurts that you aren't a loving mother caught in the horrors of war. What you really are is a common whore who wandered into the palace and onto Prince Ozai's bed-"

"Azula!" Zuko exclaims. It's too late. Ursa gives her daughter a slap so loud it echos through the room. Azula doesn't flinch. Instead she grabs Ursa's cold hand.

"She's angry because it's true," Azula says, smiling with all her teeth. "And now her hands are frigid because she lost control and knows what could happen if I lose control too. But I won't. I won't let her ruin my sixteenth birthday any more than she's ruined the rest of my life. Ready the palanquins."

"You aren't going anywhere young lady."

"Oh?" Azula asks, removing Ursa's hand from her face. _Now you want to be my mother?_ Ursa is drop dead gorgeous, it leaves suspicion. _What kind of monster are you hiding, Mother?"_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Azula has mouth for daysss lol


	6. Month Five

"Azula," Zuko said. The royal siblings were riding a palanquin back to the palace after spending the evening watching a play.  
  


"Fire lord."

"Why do always do that? With mother?" he asked.

"She started it, Zuko."

"I know," he said. He looked at his sister with sad eyes. "I know she started it, but you always say the worst things. Shocking things." Azula folded her hands and looked at her brother earnestly.

"So maybe the last part wasn't true," she said. "But she _did_ choose to forget her children. And she did use you as bait in a letter just to start an argument with Father. She gives me dirty looks because _her_ husband thinks I'm her reincarnation as if we're anything alike."

"You don't have to put it like that," Zuko said, shaking his head. "It's not like that." Those things happened, but they _had_ to happen, right?

  
"Yes it is, Zuzu," she says. There is a certain pity she feels only for him. "You love mother because was your source of happiness as a child. And now it hurts to realize she's not who you think she is."

"Maybe," he said, :"but Father was yours."

"Not anymore," she said.

"

"Azula, that's not what I'm trying to say. Maybe you need a new source of happiness."

"Happiness is a distraction," she said, scoffing.

"A distraction from what, Azula? You've wallowed in the palace for the past four months."

:"Not true," she said. "I'm going to be in Noren or Ikem's play or whatever."

"Only to spite mom," he said. "Maybe you could take Piandao up on his offer."

"Leave me alone, Zuko. You just want me out of the palace."

"No, Azula. Even if you are in the palace, it'd be a lot better for everyone if you tried to get along with people." _Why? So I can have more people at my funeral?_

* * *

That was two weeks ago. Now, Azula still ponders the question. If she takes the fast track to death, she'll be gone within a month or two. Not that Ozai would have any condolences, but Azula is the only person in the family he would bother to wish farewell into the afterlife. Zuko would attend with that weak heart of his, Ty Lee would most likely show up as well. Mai, well she might offer some sort of comfort to her husband-to-be. Ursa, wretched as she is, would show up only for the formality of things then proceed to clear out Azula's room and put Kiyi's things in.

"You hate her too, don't you, Akira?" Azula asks the dragon. Originally she thought Zuko would press on more. _I have a pet dragon, Zuzu. Does that mean nothing?_ It was almost like it wasn't like the first encounter with a beast of Akira's species. _Impossible._

"I conquer cities," she says, thinking out loud. "And no one important will be at my funeral. It's not allowed." It's not like she could use fear to get them to show up to her funeral she'd be dead and then who would carry out reinforcements. So, the princess comes up with a plan. The spirits have made it clear her life will be short, but she'll be unforgettable if it's the last thing she does.

* * *

That was two weeks ago. It's late into the afternoon when Zuko's work is rudely interupted.

"What do you want, Azula?"

"It's very simple," she says. "But first I want to tell you of an observation I've made."

He sighs. "Go on."

"Last week, I asked my handmaidens all sorts of morbid questions, and they were very careful with me, but we didn't have that grand connection," she says, taking a seat. 

"You're weird and bossy, Azula," Zuko says. "It's not a good foundation for friendship."

:"I believe the word you're looking for is eccentric, Zuzu. But on the topic of friendships. we should talk about my old friends, Mai and Ty Lee."

"Azula-"

"Think about it, Zuzu. You wanted me to get along with the people in the palace. I'll probably never have a chance with your weird friends, but I could salvage something with my girls," she says. "And think of the benefits. Mai is going to be your wife. We already have enough family scandals and drama. And she won't just be a wife, she'll be Fire Lady. I can tell her everything to know about being a part of _our_ family. It's not the same when you're a woman."

"Mother could teach her as much," Zuko says. Azula laughs so hard it shakes her body.

"The girl from that backwards town who used to write letters of how awful this place was?" she asks. "The only thing mother can teach Mai is how to kill a Fire Lord. And I have a gut feeling Mai already knows how." The Fire Lord is silent for a long time. 

"I'll speak to Mai," he says finally, "and see if she's willing to meet with you. Ty Lee will join only if she wishes." 

"Lovely."

* * *

Mai looks like a Fire Lady already with her elegant robe and porcelain stone face. Ty Lee is dressed in her usually Kiyoshi Warrior garb. Most days, her makeup looks like art. Today, it looks like a mask.

"Hello, girls," Azula says. She is already sitting at the table, with a cup of Oolong tea in her left hand. "I'd sit down if I were either of you, before your tea gets cold."

"Are you sure it's not filled to the brim with poison?" Mai asks.

"See for yourself," Azula says. They finally sit down.

"Um, Azula?" Ty Lee asks. "Why did you call us here?" Her hands are shaking and she's not meeting the princess' eyes.

:"It's quite simple," Azula says, forcing the acrobat to find her gaze. "I don't believe we ever properly discussed the events that occured at the Boiling Rock."

"We don't owe you that conversation," Mai says, grabbing Ty Lee's arm. "Let's go."

"But you agreed to it."

"What?"

"You guys don't owe me the conversation, but you agreed to it. A Fire Lady is true to her word."

"And princesses are supposed to be kind," Mai says. Azula clicks her tongue.

:"No," Azula says. "We get to bend the rules just a little more. Even after you wed Zuzu, I'll be above you in rank."

"I forgot everything is about power and control with you."

"It's not, I promise," Azula says. "But I ruined your father's plans once. If he's planning something, I'll do it again."

:"I've got Zuko's back," Mai says. "I'm pretty sure this friendship ended because I saved him from you."

"You committed treason. Ty Lee too."

"I was protecting my friend," Ty Lee says.

"I was your friend as well," Azula says.

"Were you her friend when you threatened her life just so she would hunt your brother and uncle? Were you my friend when you used my brother in an exchange?"

"No," Azula says. "I was a princess. You can't be both at the same time."

"Zuko has more friends as the Fire Lord than you ever did as the princess," Mai says.

"Zuko can do that because we're not in a war. He can do that because Father isn't the Fire Lord. Either way, our lands are paying for it."

"It doesn't matter, Azula," Ty Lee says, "you were still a bad friend."

"And if you called us here to justify that then we'll be on our way."

"I called you here to say I'm sorry," Azula says. "I only ever had two friends in my life and I made a mess of our relationship so I could be in control and-"

"Are you only saying this because you're dying?" Ty Lee asks.

"What?" Now Azula and Mai both stare at her with bewildered expressions.

"I've been watching your aura since you got here," she states calmly. "It's been the same color for months now."

"Ty Lee, stop it," Mai says. "Now is not the time for your crazy talk." But Azula shifts uncomfortably.

"Back to what we were saying-"

"It's crazy talk, right?!" Mai's voice remains monotone but her eyes become as large as they were at the Boiling Rock. Then Azula grips her shoulders a little too tight.

"Tell _anyone_ ," she says, looking frantically around the room, "if either of you tell someone I'll hurt you good."

* * *

:They don't even ask her why she's dying. For weeks, they say nothing when they see Azula get extremely short of breath or not eat anything cooked for her. But they are nicer, and this means the world to Zuko. He's been wanting to help her since they went looking for Ursa, and now he feels like he's making progress. But Azula is only cruel with reason. Being cruel won't get her anywhere with the short amount of time she has left to live. 

No one seen the princess in an ill state. No one off the commune, at least. So when Azula enters the dining hall in the morning still in her night robe and with heavy eyebags the table looks at her in awe.

"Were you attacked in your sleep?" Kiyi asks. It earns a soft laugh from Ursa.

"Believe it or not," she says, in an obnoxiously nasally voice, "I have a cold." Mai and Ty Lee glance at each other.

"So you should stay away from us," Katara says.

"Peasants in _my_ home telling me where I can go? Good Agni the world is changing," she says. Then she gets into an embarrassing sneezing fit. "Maybe you guys didn't hear correctly. I. Am. Ill."

"And that's why you decided to sneeze into the food," Ursa says. "Just go to the physician."

"Oh don't pretend to be so bothered," Azula says, "I heard they eat food off the floor in Hira'a. Is this true Ikem?"

"We don't do that, Azula," Ikem says, ignoring his wife's glare. 

"That's Princess Azula to you," she says. "Anyway, it's a small ailment. Today is the audition for _Love Amongst the Dragons_ and I _will_ attend."

"Our family has a legacy in theatre, Azula," Ursa says. "You can't just show up to an audition looking as tired as you do. I haven't even seen you practice your lines." 

"I have photographic memory," she says, puffing out her chest. "And if I can fool the Earth King into conquering his kingdom, I can make an audience believe I'm the Dragon Empress for about two hours."

:"That's nothing to be proud of, Azula. And being an actress is not that easy," Ursa says. _Mother, always downplaying my accomplishments._

"If I can't memorize my lines, Mother, I'll make them change it up a bit. Maybe the Dragon Emperor is an egotistical prince and the Dragon Empress a whiny actress. We can even change the title to _Love Amongst the Narcissists_ ," she says. 

"Out, Azula."

"I didn't have an appetite anyway. _Achoo_!"

* * *

Sokka wishes Mai and Zuko would speed up their wedding. It's one ceremony and he's been here for months. One good thing though, is his special spot. Located at the back very back of the palace gardens, where he sometimes sees snakes, is a place just boiling over with fire lilies. Today, he is sketching those fire lilies because fire lilies are mindless and love to be draw unlike muses. Muses who Piandao won't leave him alone about. Why would he ever draw Azula? She's rude and annoying and...in his spot.

Yes, it's the princess who is laying on her stomach reading a scroll and crushing fire lily petals in her right hand.

"Um, what are you doing here?" he asks. Azula looks up and sees the water tribesman staring at her with his deep blue eyes.

"The next time someone asks what I'm doing there will be lightning," she says. "But if you must know, I am going over my lines."

"You mean the ones you were just arguing with your mother about?" he asks.

"She started it," Azula says. "She always does."

"Even if she does," Sokka says, taking out his sketching scroll. "You guys are always arguing and you always go too far."

"Oh yeah?" she asks. He nods. "You and Katara lost your mom at a young age. I'm willing to bet things wouldn't run as smoothly as you remember."

"From what I've heard you two were always like this; And I don't remember my mom," he says. She finally turns her full attention away from her scroll. 

"You don't remember your own mother?"

"I really wish you didn't put it like that," he says, clenching his jaw. "And no. Not her face, at least. I just imagine she looks like Katara."

"Zuko used to do that," she says, scowling. "Occasionally, I used to wear my hair down. But then I would eat dinner with Father and Zuko and they didn't think I noticed when they'd look away from me every time I said something that sounded like my mother would say it. Even before she left the servants used to call me Little Ursa. 'Little Ursa is a fire bender!' 'Little Ursa hurt herself!"

"Why did they stop calling you that?" he asks.

"Then my mother left and no one dared utter her name because the walls have ears and mouths and Agni knows what Father would do if her heard mother's name everywhere. Then I got too old to hide it anymore so I did what Mother never did and wore my hair up. I also avoided mirrors."

"I've noticed," Sokka says. sketching away.

"You have?"

"When we were looking for your mother," he says, "you'd get a little, um, winded up when you saw your reflection."

"Zuko's lucky," she says. "Not because he got burned but because he looks more like father than I do mother but if he wants to be reminded that he isn't Ozai all he needs to do is touch his face. No amount of robes or thrones or crowns will hide that scar."

"Maybe," Sokka says. "I'm guess I look like my dad. I'm proud of him though, so that's not a bad thing. It'll be a cool thing when I'm chief as well." He finishes with the sketch.

"It's strange how the same situation can be good or bad depending on who's involved," Azula says. "Anyway, let me see what you sketched."

"A 'please' would be nice," he grumbles. Still, he hands her the papers all filled with ink.

"Wow," Azula says. "These are so ugly." Then she starts laughing. She has the weirdest laugh Sokka has ever seen and heard. He could write it down. Her mouth opens surprisingly wide and it's the only part of her face different from her usual expression. Her shoulders shake though, along with her hair. 

"Plants aren't my strong suit," he says. "I draw people."

"Really," she says. "I give you permission to make me a portrait." His head swarms with confusion. 

"No way, Azula. I already offered to do exactly that, and you turned me down."

" _Piandao_ asked me to be your muse. _You_ called me ugly." 

"Oh," he says, scratching the back of his neck. "I did do that, didn't I."

"You did."

"I didn't mean it," he says. "You know that. I don't think you're ugly at all. You're actually really, really pretty." She is blushing and the princess doesn't like to feel so exposed.

"What would your father think?" she jokes. "The future chief of the Southern Water Tribe has eyes for the Fire Nation princess. Why don't you put those eyes to use and sketch me while I practice this dumb play?" He grabs a blank paper.

"Sounds like a plan."

He spends the next hour listening to her read and she spends the next hour making sure her face doesn't contort into an awkward position. Then, she needs a blanket. 

"Are you cold?" she asks him.

"Not at all," he says, "it's incredibly ho-" she pushes Sokka to the side so she can vomit in the spot behind him. Then she runs into the palace.

* * *

Sokka doesn't see Azula again until the end of the day. When he does see her, she's covered in sweat and breathing heavily on her bed. Zuko is in a chair beside the bed while servants tend to her.

"What's going on?" he asks.   
  
  


"Azula's probably got a virus of some sort," Zuko says, "she can't even bend." He nods and leaves after that but Zuko stays and watches his sister.

"Zuzu," she says. "I apologized to Mai and Ty Lee, and it felt really good."

"That's nice, Azula."

"You have every right, but I hope you don't still hate me." _Is that what she thinks?_

"Azula, I don't think I ever truly hated you."

"Yeah," she says, nodding. "You were just jealous. I should've been a better sister, like Kiyi."

"Azula," he says. "I love Kiyi, and...and I love you." She shakes her head.

"Not like you love her. Mom loves her and so do you. You never cringe when she calls you Zuzu. You're happy when she makes an advancement with her bending. It's alright. Anyone can be replaced."

"Azula, she's not replacing you. You and Kiyi are completely different people."

"Are we?" she asks, raising a sweaty eyebrow. "Mother's been arranging with the staff to move my room. She says the one I have now is easier for her to access. Because who's trying to access me. I didn't need mother at first, and I didn't need you. But seeing that she _can_ love two children, and you _can_ be a good brother, just as long as it's not me, it hurts. It doesn't matter anyway." Zuko feels stupid for not seeing the obvious. But he can't tell Azula anything because she fell asleep right after her dramatic statement, so he kisses her head instead. Azula would never have said that had she been well. Zuko can see that she hasn't been right since she got home. For the first time with concern he asks Azula,

"What's wrong with you?"

"


	7. Month Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The curtain comes down. Oh yeah, and Iroh comes home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yep, one of these scenes is heavily inspired by Rap Devil by MGK lmao

Finally, it is month six. Azula is scared, and her body aches. It aches like she just did an Agni Kai with each member of her family. She also has questions. Will the spirits make her answer for her misdeeds? Will she die when she is painfully aware or will she be sleeping peacefully. Who will find her body? Hopefully Ursa. _It's what she deserves_. Her days are numbered, but she on this specific morning she puts on a cloak and uses tunnels to escape the palace. It's not a long walk, Capital City prison is not far at all.

"Father," she says, sitting on the dirty ground across from him.

"Azula," he says, "soon you will join your ancestors."

"And you remember what to do?" she asks.

"Send a letter to the palace notifying them of your illness."

"Well, you don't need to do that anymore," she says. "I have no use for you anymore, so you can stay here and rot like you left me on Sozin's comet." He laughs to himself.

"You're not my only visitor," he says, smiling. "You aren't even my favorite visitor."

"Tell me Father, who would come to this filthy place without business?" He doesn't tell her. Instead he says,

"I get incredibly confused now that you wear your hair down." He watches her carefully and he feels like the Phoenix King again once the color leaves her face.

"You're a terrible liar, Father," she says, voice trembling.

"And you are not, Azula," he says. "It's one of those things you inherited from your mother."

Today is a bad day for Azula. Aside from the fact that she'd just received word that her mother was seeing her father for reasons unknown to her, a celebration was to be held tonight. It'll be the perfect distraction. Tonight, Azula is going to kill herself.

She's thought carefully. As a descendant of Agni and the greatest fire bender alive, Azula won't wait around to drop dead at any moment. Her illness may have cut her life short, but it certainly doesn't get to choose when and where she takes her last breaths. She's even left time for grieving, so Zuko and Mai will still wed on time. She doesn't know where she'll do it. All she knows is she won't see tomorrow's dawn.

She goes about her day as usual, though the palace is bustling trying to prepare and she gets to bark orders. She can't look at Ursa. She doesn't even like Kiyi, but seeing Ursa play with the child knowing what she's doing makes her gag. She meets with Sokka, who will paint her for what he doesn't know will be the last time. They actually get along quite well. She gets to do relaxing things for about an hour or so, and the portraits always turn out lovely. They even share food and exchange stories from their life. This afternoon, they are doing just that.

Except Sokka is taking a break from drawing, and they are sharing a bowl of persimmons while reading some of Azula's favorite scrolls. Azula sits side saddle and tries her best to ignore the water tribesman's breath on her neck as he leans over from his reclined position. He doesn't even know it, but Sokka is the closest Azula will get to having a boyfriend before she dies. He's a boy, and they're...not really friends. Then a dark shadow looms over the scroll.

"Azula," Ursa says. "The celebration starts in just a few hours."

"I know," Azula says, trying to stay focused on the scroll. "I made the schedule."

"Just get ready," Ursa says.

"Alright, I will," Azula says. Ursa turns to leave. "Mom?"

"Yes?"

"I went to bed, and Father was Fire Lord and you were gone. It's simply impossible that you two could have arranged a formal divorce. Does this make you two still married?" Azula asks. The color drains from Ursa's face, and her mouth becomes a straight line

"Your Father is a criminal," she says. "Whatever the law says, I have no business with him." 

Azula's handmaidens are fitting her into her robes when they hear a knock on the door. 

"You may enter," she says. A corset is being tightly bound to her abdomen.

"Hey," Zuko says, gently nudging the door. "You're almost ready?"

"Yes," she says. "My organs are jumbled together, but I'll make it through the night. Now, why are you here?"

"I don't know," he says, shifting awkwardly. "Azula, you're okay right?"

"That depends on your idea of okay," she says.

"I mean, if something were wrong you would tell me, right?"

"Sure, Zuzu," she says, looking only at the mirror. He smiles, and shuts the door. She feels sick, and it's not the corset or the illness.

Her brother's friends are the first thing she sees when she exits her room. 

"Hello, Azula," the Avatar says cheerfully. "You look nice."

Katara keeps her arms crossed tightly as she glares at Azula. Sokka's staring at her too, but definitely not in the same way.

"Yeah," he says, looking her up and down. "She does."

It earns him a smack upside the head from his sister and a menacing glare from his ex. They're so close in the way Azula used to be close with Mai and Ty Lee and Zuko when they were young. She doesn't regret her side in the war, because she believes she was simply serving her country. But it sure would've been nice, to be a part of their little group. She can see why Zuko became brighter around them.

If only she hadn't tried to kill four of them, her brother included. Her life is slipping from her hands now, and she desperately wants more time. She almost made that all of their realities. 

"We're going to go now," Katara says. 

"Maybe we should've let her walk with us," Sokka says, as they stride down the hall. She doesn't want to be weak, to apologize, but something tells her to do it and she can't get weaker than she already is. She doesn't think she should have to apologize, but she'll be gone before she can let it sink in. Maybe she just wants friends for the night. _Agni, what would Zuko do?_

"I feel like I should apologize," she calls out. She won't give them the satisfaction of seeing her eyes but she said it. They stop walking.

"Do you feel like you should apologize," Katara says, "or do you want to apologize?"

"A bit of both," she says honestly.

"Is that so," Suki says, "for what? For imprisoning me and my sister's or for shooting Aang with lightning?"

"Mainly for shooting the Avatar with lightning," she says. "But that too. And even though it's my greatest military accomplishment, I'm sorry I stole the Kiyoshi warrior costumes and with just my disguise and brilliance crushed a city state in less than two weeks. I'm also sorry I didn't let the Avatar use the avatar state to crush me and my brother so I shot him down."

"That's not all that you did," Katara says.

"I think if we spend time recounting all the things Azula did we'll miss the celebration," Sokka says. "It was war, Azula. You did some really awful things, but in a way I understand."

"He's only forgiving her because they've been canoodling in the gardens for about a month now!" Suki exclaims. 

"Does that bother you?" Azula asks, trying to mask the smile tugging at the corners of her mouth.

"Azula is just my muse," he says. "Why do you care? You broke up with me anyway."

"Yeah, _Suki_ ," she says her name in a condescending tone. "I'm just his muse. All it means is that I get to read poetry and eat food while he makes portraits of me _every. single. day._ I'm sure he could do it by memory now."

"I can tell you're having food every single day-" Suki is cut off by Aang.

"I think we got a little off-topic," he says. "Katara, what do you think?" 

"I think that war or not, you're rude, insensitive, and downright cruel. You couldn't even give an apology without feeding your ego. If you think you can just have my forgiveness with some pretty words, you need to go right back to that asylum," Katara says.

Azula is a controlled person. She does not laugh, scream, yell, or cry against her own will. But there is a red tide of rage flooding her body. _Big words coming from an ice muncher._ She did a great job of blocking out the worst year of her life, and now this peasant is throwing it in her face. _I hope she finds my body._

"Excuse me," she says, shoving through them before anyone else can give their two cents. 

She opens the doors of the hall to see her brother and _oh no._ The princess' calculated eyes widen as she sees her uncle talking cheerfully with the Fire Lord and his mother. The rest of Team Avatar runs past her and to he retired general.

"General Iroh!" Katara exclaims. "It's so good to see you!"  
  


"The pleasure is all mine, Master Katara." Then he finally makes eye contact with his niece.

"Uncle."

"Princess Azula," he says. "It's been a very long time."

"Only a year," she says, wearing a forced smile that bares all her teeth. He notices her swollen feet, which her handmaiden's spent a half hour trying to stuff in her shoes.

"With those feet I'd think you were expecting," he jokes. It makes the other kids laugh.

"I could say the same looking at your potbelly and man-breasts," she says, rolling her eyes.

"Don't say such things, Azula," Ursa says.

"I don't mind," he says, "only one situation is plausible."

"Obviously, I'm the girl."

"Yes, but I'm being serious. You spent a long time away from home. The real question is what sort of man-" Azula slaps him across the face so hard her hand hurts. If Katara didn't get her angry enough before, Iroh just made her furious. Everyone backs up, and Ursa covers her mouth while Zuko grabs his sister and pulls her away from the general.

"The real question," she says, snarling, "is how many bastards you have roaming the Earth Kingdom. How dare you make such a statement!"

"How dare you put your hands on an elder!" Iroh exclaims. "After all this time you're still crazy! It truly amazes me that you have the audacity when you should be in prison at this very moment!"

"And what about you?" she asks. "Is that all I have to do? Have some life changing revelation and suddenly everyone will like me?"

"What you need, my niece," Iroh says. "Is remorse and for remorse you need empathy which you've never had."  
  
  


"You're right, uncle I don't have empathy. I should be more like you. I should have so much empathy that I set fire to a city for six hundred days and then hide in it when I become an enemy of the nation I worked with. And after all of it, I'll 'liberate' a city that already would've been liberated once the war is over along with my senior citizen club. It's a small price to pay so I may live among residents I displaced just seven years and be this wise elder who gets to make money in the city I ruined. How many of your customers have relatives which you slaughtered?" People began to turn their attention over to the royals.

"It was a military conquest which I deeply regret," Iroh says. "One that was not successful. It was you who conquered the Earth Kingdom, Azula. It's not who I am anymore, but you're everything like you were two years ago."

"Oh don't word it like that," she says. "I held a bloodless coup. Yes, I was successful. But you're the one with blood on your hands."

"I'm the one with blood on my hands, but there are three people here all struck by you and your lightning."

"Like you didn't kick me to the tides off a navy ship don't pretend to act innocent, it's revolting. All my life I've been nothing to you but an obstacle in Zuko's path. It is who you are, General Iroh. You stand for peace but can't stand to think of all that you've really done. And you can't stand me because it's like looking into a mirror that makes you not fat and ugly. You're pushing seventy Iroh and you're still letting a teenage girl make you angry." Instead of getting angry, Iroh chuckles until it turns into full blown laughs.

"She thinks we're the same," he says, laughing and gesturing her with his thumb. "She thinks she's the Dragon of the West!"

The men around them are now laughing and Azula wants to cry. Instead, she sucks it up and jokes right back. Their laughter blocks them from hearing a pretty and gentle whistle. They stop laughing when an indigo winged creature flies over their heads and onto the princess' shoulders. Their laughs turn to gasps and Azula's frown to a smirk.

"I have a dragon from the west," she says. "You don't look like one."

"By Agni where did you find that?" Iroh asks.

"Don't worry about it. Her name is Akira. I don't think I'm the Dragon of the West, I'm better. Iroh, Iroh, _Iroh_ ," she lets his name roll effortlessly off her tongue. "See, you were named after a king's wife, but I was named after the king. I'm the first daughter born into this family in _four generations_. I was bending lighting to my will and mastered the blue flame before I finished school. I taught myself how to redirect lightning. I don't need to be a dragon, I'm _the_ prodigy," she says, wriggling free from Zuko's grasp. When she gets face to face with Iroh, she bends her knees ever so slightly. "How could I look up to a man who isn't as tall as me?"

Ursa, fists clenched and face beat red says, "Azula, leave now."

"No," she says. "I don't leave in rough situations, Mother. I'm not you. But on second thought, I will leave. This party is dreadfully boring and I don't like going places where all the adults hate me."

* * *

The streets are empty because all the nobles are either at the celebration or in their homes. The first thing Azula does when she runs off the palace grounds is take off those awful shoes that suffocate her awfully swollen feet. It feels like heaven when her toes feel the mossy ground. It's time. She's tired of arguing with her mother everyday, having no control of her body, and watching a world that is better off without her. The lamp lights beam down on her pale skin as she walks through the streets, holding up the skirt of her robe. 

As its princess, Azula has seen most parts of the Fire Nation. But Caldera is her home, and it is beautiful. Rows of houses are completely silent as she observes their slight differences, their different stories. She said all her accomplishments in the palace, and she'd never admit it, but Azula wishes she had a different story. She wishes her life wasn't all about training to be the Fire Lord, going crazy, spending time on a commune, then slowly dying. She wishes she'd found herself before the illness did. _But didn't I try?_ There is a shop, that is tall and large, and Azula knows it doesn't belong to anyone specific. For the first time in her life, Azula doesn't think. She doesn't stop herself from scaling the building's walls and ending up on its roof. 

She dropped her crown, so now her hair blows in her face. It's windy and drizzling, and she's trying to steady herself. _You'll fall anyway._ She did everything just to die at her home, but this is close enough and there's no way that palace could lead someone to a peaceful afterlife. She'll jump, she'll do it, any minute now.

* * *

"Guys," Sokka says. "I think I found her." The celebration ended two hours ago, and no one could find Azua in the palace. They thought to send out a search party but Azula's crown was found not even five miles from.   
  


"But where is she?" Zuko asks. He looks around the area. Nothing. Then he looks up. His sister is sitting on the roof, dangling her feet over.

"I can reach her," Aang says.

"No," Zuko says. "Direct the air if she tries to jump." 

He climbs the roof at record speed, and he doesn't even know it, but Zuko is so afraid. Almost too gently, he touches her shoulder.

"Azula?" he asks. When he meets his sister's eyes, all he sees is fear and sadness. Her skin is blotchy and her mascara and eyeliner is totally ruined. "Let's go home." She hugs her knees to her chest.

"No, thank you," she says, sniffling. He moves her hair out of the way and puts an arm around her. She leans into him like she is touch starved and unsure of herself, because she is. 

"You don't hear it enough," he says quietly. "But there are people in this world that love you. I'm one of them." He feels her shoulders shake as she cries, and it makes him want to cry too.

Finally she says, "You don't understand Zuzu. Nobody could care less what happens to me and why should they when I don't have anything left. You have mother, and Mai, and Kiyi. And just here taking up space. It's pathetic."

"You aren't pathetic," Zuko says, kissing her hair. "You're the most powerful firebender in the world. You survived three years alone with our father. When the war first ended and I had no idea how to govern our nation, I looked through the note's you'd taken."

"I do take magnificent notes," she says. He laughs. Then she starts crying again.

"I lied to you, Zuko," she says. "Nothing is okay at all. And I didn't come back for your wedding." He pulls away.

"What do you mean?" he asks.

"I went to a doctor before I came here. They say I have kidney failure. That's why I've been getting so sick."

"So what does that mean?"

"Zuko," she said, looking at the night sky instead of his eyes. "It means I have anywhere between thirty days to six months to live." And just like that, his world is on the floor in pieces. 

"So what? You were just gonna die in front of my eyes, Azula why would you do that?!" he exclaims.

"I wasn't going to come home. I just came because we have to die near home and I told Father-"

"You told Father but not me?!" Zuko says, burying his face in his hands. 

"Only because I knew it wouldn't affect him and I wanted someone to be able to tell you the truth. Mai and Ty Lee found out though so I don't need him and- look at me Zuko. Zuko please look at me."

"We never stood a chance," he says, wiping his eyes. "It's always something." She rubs her hand on his back because that's what she used to see Ursa do.

"But look how close we've gotten," she says.

"And now you're gonna die at sixteen," he says, throwing his hands in the air. "Agni, when I was sixteen I still had so much to learn and this is your entire lifeline."

"I know, Zuzu," she says, her own eyes watering again. "But you need to be a happy groom for Mai. And this isn't the Zuko I want to spend my last six months with. I want to sped it with the Zuko you were tonight."

"I thought Iroh was right," he says.

"About what?"

"About why you'd been acting the way you have. I thought you were expecting too."

Azula laughs loud enough to wake all of Caldera.

* * *

It's well past midnight when Zuko and Azula get back to the palace. Everyone else left about two hours earlier once they realized Azula wasn't going to jump. Zuko goes up to meet Mai in the Fire Lord's chambers. Azula lets her blue flame guide her down the corridor and to her bedroom. That's when she feels someone behind her.

"Hey," a voice says. It's Sokka. 

"What are you still doing awake?" Azula asks. He shifts awkwardly. 

"Well," he says, reaching into his pocket. "You didn't really look okay when we found you on the roof. Also, you dropped this." He holds her crown between his palms and she takes it with her free hand. 

"Thank you," she says. "Good night-" He takes a deep breath before asking,

"Can I sketch you?"

"In the morning, sure," she says, continuing to her room. 

"I mean right now," he says.

"Why?"

"Well, I'm gonna try using paint instead of ink. Also, your fire makes an interesting light and with your messed up hair and makeup I think you look...really beautiful," he says. A boy called her pretty once on the beach. Then she ruined the moment. She won't ruin it now.

"Alright, but I have something more impressive to show you," she says. 

"Of course you do." When they get to her room she guides him to her closet. Then she says, 

"Close your eyes." He can feel her fiery breath as it goes around the room.

What she shows him is indeed more impressive. The princess' once perfectly neat walk in closet now has an area dedicated to fire lilies, cherries, and other beautiful plants. The icing on the cake are the little blue torches that neatly light all the right areas.

"Someone told me to start gardening and-"  
  


"You became a show off and made the coolest garden ever? I'm not surprised."

"To be fair," she says, blushing. "I worked really hard on it."

"Would you mind if I drew you in here?" 

"I suppose it would make for a really nice sketch." He tells her how to pose, and she lies down with the her head crushing some of the fire lilies, and he lies on his stomach with his materials. After about a half hour of silence she says, "Did you see the moon tonight? It was beautiful."

"It always is," he says. "You don't have to answer, but what were you and Zuko talking about? On the roof?" Four people already know the truth. _Might as well tell him._

"I have kidney failure," she says. "And if I can't do anything about it, which I can't, I'm going to die within one to six months." He drops the brush. 

"Wow," he says. 

"Don't say anything, I don't need your pity," she says.

"I was gonna say that would've come in handy during the war," he says. There is a pregnant pause, then she starts laughing, hard. This is the second time he's made her laugh, and he gets a strange amount of serotonin at her laugh.

"Can you tell me something?" she asks. "What is it with you and the moon? I've heard things."

"My first girlfriend, she was Princess Yue of the Northern Water Tribe. She owed her life to the moon spirit, and so she had to sacrifice herself during the war when Zhao killed the moon. She was only sixteen."

"Do you miss her?"

"I guess," he says. "We weren't even together for a month. And I got with Suki pretty soon after." 

"So you've been with a princess and a warrior," Azula says. "Impressive. I'm both. Anyway, I'm sorry about Yue. Being a princess is hard. You do everything for your country and some odd event takes your life when you turn sixteen."

"Oh, you're talking about yourself now," he says, laughing. "But I have the feeling you'll be alright." He gets extra close, trying to capture the shape of her eyes.

"You think so?"

Almost inaudibly he says, "Maybe it's just wishful thinking." He doesn't know what compels him to do it. Maybe it's the lights, their conversation, or Azula herself but he presses his lips to hers and they're soft and warm. He can feel her smile into the kiss, and her long nails massage his scalp as he cups her chin.

Azula almost died today. It is month six and now any day could be her last. And she plans to live her life like each day is.


	8. Month Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A miracle comes onto Azula's path. Ursa and Azula have a long needed conversation.

"Zuko," Azula says. The Fire Lord jolts upright in his bed.

"Azula?!" he exclaims. Amber eyes stare back at him, unfazed. She is wearing a black cloak and her hair is in a full topknot. "What are you doing?"

"I have bad news," she says, tossing another cloak in his direction. "Your perfect mother isn't perfect after all. Get dressed." He groggily stands up from the bed and puts on the cloak.

"There," he says. "Now where are we going?"

"Trust me Zuzu," she says, smirking. "You don't want to know." He is fully awake by the time they reach the capital city prison.

"Azula," he says, narrowing his eyes. "Why are we here?"

"Because Mother already is."

"What are you talking about?"

"I visited Father last month, and he told me that Ursa visits him. And I saw it with my own eyes a couple weeks ago. She makes some herb with a scent that knocks the guards unconscious so she can take the locks. Then she sings this little tune, and Father sings his own back. That's how they know the coast is clear."  
  


"Azula," Zuko says. "That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard from your mouth. Let's go." That's when they hear footsteps and Azula drags he brother behind a larg bushel. They both cover their noses when they smell a pine like scent. Not before Azula whispers,

"Told you so." He replies with a deadpan look. A funky smell means nothing. Then a sweet and gentle voice pierces the air. 

_"Lover if you hear me, sing this tune back to me."_ The sound makes Zuko's heart sink. The voice is undoubtedly Ursa's.

_"Lover whom I adore, unlock all the prison doors."_ Dainty footsteps walk right past them.

"You see why you should always believe me-" Zuko yanks his sister and they run all the way back to the palace.

* * *

Zuko tries his best to look at his mother, to act like everything is normal. Mai wonders what is wrong with her fiancee, Azula tells her everyone will know soon. They've gotten close again, Azula and Mai along with Ty Lee. Although there was a big argument between Mai and Zuko over Mai not telling Zuko about Azula's condition. Azula's love life is doing much better. Much to his sister and ex-girlfriend's disdain, Sokka asked the princess to be his girlfriend, and Azula said yes.

Now, she waits with her brother and boyfriend in the palace hospital.

"Zuko," she says. 

"Yes?"

"I was thinking. And I want to go somewhere before I...go to the Spirit World. Ember Island maybe?"

"That sounds like a great idea, Azula," Zuko says, resting his hand on her shoulder. Just then a doctor busts out the door.

"Your Majesty, Your Highness," he says. "After consultation with many doctors across the world, we've discovered there may be a way for to save the princess' life." Azula sits perfectly still so as not to show her excitement.

"Go on," she says. 

"Well, the human body comes with two kidneys. And it only needs one to survive. We can perform a surgery that would remove the kidney out of one person's body and put it in your own. But this is a new procedure and the survival rate is only forty percent. Also you need to find a donor with the same blood match."

"Useless!" Azula exclaims, throwing her hands to the air. 

"Not completely," the doctor says. "All you need to do is find your matches then ask which one of them is willing."

"So," she says. "Who are my matches?"

* * *

"I agree with your council, Zuko," Ursa says. The royal family is at the dinner table. Azula, Sokka, and Zuko are discussing their findings.

"Zuko is my _only_ match!" Azula exclaims. "I _will_ die if I don't get his kidney!" The news that Azula was dying already got around, and even her enemies sent their condolences.

"Zuko is my _only_ son!" Ursa exclaims. "I'm not going to risk losing two children instead of one."

"Or," Azula says, "you could take a risk for once and not lose any children at all."

"I don't take risks with my children," Ursa says. "And that is such a big thing to ask of your brother Azula. Just because he's kindhearted and selfless doesn't mean that he has to give you everything. The operation isn't safe. I don't know why you care so much, you already tried to take your own life once." Suddenly dinner tastes like poison.

"Excuse me," Azula says.

"Mom," Zuko says. "You could've been nicer about that."

"I know," she says. "But your life is too important to take risks on. Anyway, I heard we're going to Ember Island?"

* * *

Ember Island is great. Mai and Zuko finalize wedding plans, Azula annoys the rest of the girls by staying at Sokka's side, and they play lots of Kuai Ball. Her sibling moves with Zuko hurt a bit now, but they still try.

Finally, it is late at night, and they are on the beach. Azula reads a book in Sokka's arms and pretends not to notice Zuko being buried in the sand by Kiyi and she pretends like she wasn’t the one shoveling sand in his face ten years ago. She pretends not to notice Ursa eating lychee nuts and canoodling with Ikem by a fire that is slowly fading unlike the fires that Ozai used to light which were still there in the morning. She knows Ursa misses those fires too. She found out two weeks ago. But then she makes eye contact with her mother.

Ursa is back, and Azula somewhat has a family again, even if Zuko is the only member who doesn’t make her itch. Therefore, Ember Island should be perfect. It should be grinding those sharp edges right off her. But the Royal Family is vacationing because of the accident, as Ursa calls it. The vacation was her idea anyway. It wasn’t an accident. Azula didn’t _accidentally_ leave the palace grounds at four-thirty in the morning and _accidentally_ walk to the second tallest building in Caldera and climb atop its roof. The only she thing she accidentally did was wait long enough to jump for Zuko to find her. 

Now, they are on Ember Island. It is late at night, and they are on the beach. Azula pretends not to notice Zuko being buried in the sand by Kiyi and she pretends like she wasn’t the one shoveling sand in his face ten years ago. She pretends not to notice Ursa eating lychee nuts and canoodling with Ikem by a fire that is slowly fading unlike the fires that Ozai used to light which were still there in the morning. She knows Ursa misses those fires too. She found out two weeks ago. But then she makes eye contact with her mother.

“Azula,” she says. “I wanted to talk to you about the accident. Why would you do that?”

“It wasn’t an accident, mom,” she says, glaring. “And I don’t owe it to you to tell you the truth.” Ursa lets out an exasperated sigh.

“I feel like you do, Azula,” she says. “What if we’d found you too late? Zuko had a speech to make to our nation that afternoon. Just the thought of you being gone makes my heart hurt, and I was supposed to see you? You were’t even at home! How is a family supposed to recover after an entire city views its daughter’s corpse? Ikem was searching with Kiyi, you know. Who would traumatize a little girl like that?”

This is the part where Azula tells herself not to cry, and to just walk away. But she can’t, not this time. The fire is long gone, and she runs off with the sound of soft sobs trailing behind her.

“Mom,” Zuko says, turning his head as best as he can in the sand, “do you really think that’s what she wanted to hear?”

“It’s what she needed to hear,” Ursa says. Neither of them know Azula never made it back to the house and is in full earshot. Her sadness turns to rage and she moves at the speed of light to rip the bowl of lychee nuts out of Ursa’s hands. They go everywhere.

“Azula! What is wrong with you!” Ursa exclaims.

“There is nothing wrong with me! You made me feel like there was! I spent my whole childhood doing good things, bad things, anything for just a drop of attention. Just an ounce of affection!” Azula exclaims, balling her fists.

“If you wanted more attention,” Ursa says, sitting up, “you should have asked.”

“No! Zuko never asked, Kiyi never, asked no _child_ ever asked! I should have never had to ask to be seen, to be wanted! And when I got the attention I needed you were afraid. You went cold when I started acting like the only person that cared! Punishing me for the smallest things!”

“I did what I needed to! You were just like your father! You were a monster!” Ursa exclaims. Azula’s heart freezes over. Kiyi and Zuko stop playing, even Ikem shifts in discomfort. Then the night is a brilliant blue as the old fire is replaced with Azula’s vibrant flames. It burns tall and steady. 

“I was a child,” Azula says, voice shaking with rage. “You did not have the _right_ to treat me like that. You still do not have the right to waltz back into the palace with your ugly boyfriend and replacement daughter, who’s doing an awful job being _half_ the prodigy I was, I am! You don’t get to start a new family and upgrade your address. Not after you _willingly_ wiped Zuko and I from your memory. Not after you used him as bait just to start an argument with Father. I never blamed you for leaving, I knew why. The question I can’t answer is if you would have done the same for me. If you want a daughter that’s not a monster Ursa then by Agni himself why don’t you raise one!” The azure lighting shines upon Azula’s face, filled with years of anger and sadness and confusion. Ursa keeps a straight face through Azula’s monologue.

“I’m doing just that,” she says finally.

“For now,” Azula says. “I remember being loved when I was Kiyi’s age. You feel on top of the world. Then you’re too powerful and too dangerous. It’s so easy to love those who can’t hurt you. I guess that’s why you’ve been visiting father in prison now that he’s lost his bending.”

The trip back to Caldera is incredibly tense.


	9. Month Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ursa is exposed and Zuko makes hard choices.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys it's almost overr

The sun beats down on Sokka and Azula. The couple sits in Ilah Park in the afternoon after sharing a lovely meal. Azula sleeps with her head against his chest ad he keeps his arm around her. He thinks she doesn't hear him when he says, "I love you." for the first time. But she does.

"What time is it?" she asks, sitting up straight. "Look at the time, Sokka, we should go." So they grab eachother's hands and head back to the palace. Before they go inside Sokka says,

"Azula, I know you heard me." 

"Sokka, I have maximum four months to live. I'm not going to make you love me, and I'm not going to tell you I love you and make you any more attached. I won't be another Yue," she says.

"Of course you won't," he says, hugging her. "You're Azula. You can't make me love you, and you can't make me not love you. I don't ever think about what would've happened if I got more time with Yue. I think about what would've happened if I did more. Let me do more, Azula." She crashed his lips against his and he grabbed her waist.

"Sokka," she said, grabbing him by the chin. She leveled his eyes with her own. "When I die, I need you to move on. Don't spend anytime grieving."

"Azula," he said, looking at his shoes. "I can't promise that I won't grieve, but I'll try to move on."

"Great," Azula says. "I have to find Zuko. We have something important to do."

* * *

"Fire Lord Zuko. Princess Azula," a guard says. The siblings enter the prison around noon. Ozai looks surprised to see them together, but he quickly regains composure.

"I know everything," Zuko says, taking a seat. "I know about Azula. I know you're seeing mom. If there's anything else I should know I demand you to tell me now."

"Alright, Fire Lord," Ozai says sarcastically. "I heard about the potential transplant, and that you're Azula's only match. I always figured you'd give in. I'm glad my son isn't weak enough to risk his life in the name of things such as family or love."

"You speak boldly for a prisoner," Azula says.

"As do you for someone who won't exist in the next year."

"Enough!" Zuko exclaims. "Why is my mother visiting you? What are you telling her?"

"After she did her rude monologue I thought it was the last I'd see of her. But then one lonely night she came back, and with a bottle of rice wine told me a hilarious secret."

"Tell us," Zuko says, leaning forward.

"Why would I?" Zuko asks. "I have nothing to lose if I don't."

"If you don't," Azula says, gears turning, "if you don't, we'll have you shipped off to the Boiling Rock and far away from your lover."

"She's not his lover anymore," Zuko says, taking some papers and a quill from his robes. "Sign these papers so that the two of you will no longer be married." Ozai stares at the papers for a long time before laughing.

"Do you really think that Ursa wouldn't have presented those papers to me if she wanted me to sign them?" he asks. "Your mother is a liar about many things. Do you think I would give her the time of day if she had a child with that dog Ikem? No. The girl is mine and so is Ursa. Azula would you like to know something?"

"Nothing from you," she says. 

"Oh," he says. "I figured you would love to know that Ursa shares your exact blood and tissue type. She reviewed the results before they were presented. Do with that what you will." It feels like Azula's blood twists into uncomfortable knots. 

* * *

Zuko and Azula say nothing when they get back to the palace. Azula walks straight over to Ursa and slaps her so hard it leaves a print. Everyone in the room is shell shocked.

"Zuko, she can't stay here anymore!" Ursa says.

"Mom, get your things and leave," he says. "I'll find you a place to stay and Ikem and Kiyi can leave or stay, but I need you out of the palace."

"Zuko," Mai says, "What's going on-"

"What's going on," Azula says, "is Ursa is an incredible liar who's finally being exposed."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Ursa says. 

"I'm talking about you and I being a perfect blood match and you purposefully hiding it!"

"You'll never understand," Ursa says, her face crumbling. "Kiyi needs her mother and Ikem needs his wife-"

"I need my mother!" Azula exclaims, smoke seeping from her nostrils. "For two years I had no control over my mind and all I ever saw was your stupid face! All I wanted was to hear your stupid voice when I was chained to that grate!"

"Don't bother with Ikem, mom," Zuko says. "The dates line up, and Father told us everything. You were pregnant with Kiyi when you left and you just married Ikem for convenience."

"Ursa?" Ikem asks, his voice cracking.

"Oh come on, Ikem. You aren't seriously believing Ozai and his children, are you?"

"They're your children too, Ursa," he says. "All of your fucking children are Ozai's children. That's why you wouldn't sign those damn papers. I can't do this."

"I hope you're happy," Ursa says, face burning red as she looks at Azula. "Leaving Kiyi without a father and tearing a family apart like the monster you are. It's fine, all monsters have an expiration date, and yours is four months from now." Azula bursts into sobs. 

"The only monster in the room is you," Sokka says. " _You_ tore your own family apart because you had an affair and _you_ were too selfish to save your own daughter and now _you_ don't have a place to stay."

"Also," Zuko says. "Azula doesn't have an expiration date. I'm giving her my kidney no matter what you or council says."   
  


"It's your funeral," Ursa says. 

"Wrong," Mai says. "You miscalculated Ursa. It's his wedding, and you aren't invited."


	10. Month Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> New beginnings are in store for the royal family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading this story! Find me on tumblr @waywardavatarenthusiast and check out my other stories!

_"See Azula?" Zuko says, dangling his ice cream upside down. "It's frozen." He flips it over and a four year old Azula giggles. "You try!" Azula does the same thing with her own cone but with much more force, and it falls flat on the floor. Her cries ring throughout the entire Ember Island marketplace, and Ozai taps his foot, waiting for Azula's wails to subside._

_  
"Why would you suggest such a dumb trick?" Ozai asks._

_"Here" Zuko says handing his cone to Azula, who licks it happily. Ursa wipes the tears and snot off of her splotched face._

_"That was very nice of you, Zuko," Ursa says._

_" Azula can always have my things," he says. Seeing her happy is worth it._

* * *

Mai squeezes her fiancee's hands tight. "You're going to go in and get out," she says. "Alive." Zuko kisses her and places her hand on his scar as to say _"I'll try."_  
  


On the other side of the room, Azula and Sokka embrace as well. 

"Have you eaten today, been taking your medicine, and meditated?" Sokka asks.

"Yes to all those," she says. He peppers her face with kisses.

"I love you," he says.

"I love you too," she replies. It's the first time she says it back. Sokka prays it won't be the last.

Azula and Zuko change into hospital gowns and are placed on stretchers.

"I'm sorry it has to end this way, brother," Azula says, giggling. It must be the anesthesia. Zuko grabs his sister's hand across the isle.

"It'll be over before we know it," he says.

When Azula wakes up Zuko is still asleep. She asks a nurse to move her closer to Zuko.

"Your Highness," a doctor says. "We don't know if he'll wake up." She looks further and sees Mai sleeping on her fiancees chest. Just then, Sokka enters the room along with the rest of Team Avatar and Ikem and Kiyi.

"How are you?" Sokka asks, kissing Azula's cheek. She smiles, then points to Zuko. "He'll wake up. I know he will." And he did. Zuko's eyes flutter open and so do Mai's who hugs him like she lost him. 

"You're alive!" Azula exclaims. 

"Yeah," Zuko says. "I guess I am."

* * *

_**Three Months Later**_

"You'll be a perfect Fire Lady," Azula says putting burgundy lip stain on Mai's lips.

"Azula?" Mai asks. 

"Yes?"

"Your family..." Azula sets down the brush.

"Has lots of problems and ruined relationships, I know. But ever since I met you on the playground at the Royal Fire Academy for girls, I've known you would be a part of it. Besides, who else is so evenly compatible with Zuzu and well versed in politics?"

  
"Thank you, Azula."

The Fire Lord's wedding ceremony is gorgeous and fit for a king and queen. Mai wears jewels in her hair worn by Fire Lady Ilah herself. Ty Lee is the maid of honor and Azula and Suki are bridesmaids. Aang is Zuko's best man, and Uncle Iroh ordains the wedding. It is followed by a beautiful reception in which people from all four nations attend. 

Team Avatar answer all the questions guests have for them, and Azula answers questions the nobles have about her return. Finally, she is alone with Sokka.

"You're going back to the ice," Azula says, looking at the ground. They hold both hands on the back balcony away from everyone else.

"I'll come back for you, Azula," Sokka says.

"You're going to forget about me and find some pretty water tribe girl who doesn't call you an ice muncher." 

"I'm gonna look at all the beautiful portraits I have of you every night before bed and I'm gonna write you letters and-"  
  


"Promise?"

"Promise," he says. Then he gently grabs her chin and presses his lips to hers. He holds onto her like she might fall into the night sky and she holds him like he's the only thing keeping her grounded to earth. A full moon shines down onto them.

Later, Zuko finds Azula by the turtleduck pond.

"Shouldn't you be with your blushing bride?" Azula asks.

"Mai's relatives are smothering her. I got away," he says. "Why are you here?"

"I don't know" she says, watching the turtleducks. "She was here, then gone, then here, then gone. And she didn't love me either of those times."

"I feel like she did, in her own way," Zuko says. "But you deserved to be loved in the way that you never have to question it. You aren't a monster, Azula. You're my perfect sister."

"Thank you, Zuzu," she says, hugging him. "For everything. For saving my life, twice even though I almost took yours so many times. Maybe you were lucky to be born, but I'm lucky to be alive."

"I don't even want to think about quoting Father," he says chuckling.

"Nothing he says matters anyway," Azula says. "He said you were a failure, and weak. But you're not, Zuko. You're always growing as a person. And if you ask me, I think you've amounted to everything."

* * *

"They're out even colder than usual tonight," Ursa says. Then she yanks the keys off a guard and steps over his body. _"Lover if you hear me, sing this tune back to me."_

_"Lover whom I adore, unlock all the prison doors."_

She's memorized the cell by now, and hurries to it. 

"It's been a long time Ursa," Ozai says, lips curling. He inhales her jasmine perfume and longs to touch the skin which it falls on.

"Just three months, Ozai," she says. "Our son got married today."  
  


"Has he stopped grieving Azula?" Ursa eyes darken.

"She lives," she says, scowling. "Ikem divorced me and he has our child."

"We could get her back," Ozai says, running his fingers through Ursa's brown locks. "Or we can finally be free of children." She kisses him through the bars and unlocks his cell while doing so.

"We'll go so far away," she says, tugging his beard. "Let's get the hell out of here." Ozai gazes into her golden eyes with affection and says,

"The world is ours, fire lily."

* * *

 **A/N:** I found this pic on tumblr and it totally fits my story. Click the link to see. Credit to @maripolifan on tumblr.

<https://maripolifan.tumblr.com/post/644326539046141952/last-minute-entry-one-of-my-older-wips-fit>

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, thank you for giving All the Pain of Yesterday a shot. I have a five chapter sequel to this story and the first chapter will be up tomorrow. Much love and if you write on here as well I'm wiling to give your story a shot.


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